M.I.A.

It has been almost 2 weeks since I accepted my postition at Disney. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last post, but I accepted a role in merchandise. Not my number one pick, but I'm not complaining because I get to work at Disney. I check into my apartment on January 18, 2012 (107 days from right now, but who's counting?). I have already started buying things for my apartment. So far just some simple things, but the two things I am most excited about... BEAUTY AND THE BEAST BEDDING!!!!! I had this same exact bedding 20 years ago when it was brand new, and I knew when I applied that if I got accepted I would want it for my apartment. Unfortuately my parents have thrown out my sheets so I scoured ebay and was able to score the comforter and the sheets for under 50 dollars.

But anyways that is not the point of this post. This post is about someone who is, and will continue to be, missing in action on this journey. That person is my best friend and partner in crime, Mikey. Mikey is the only person who I haven't been able to personally talk to about the program. Yet he is the only one I WANT to talk to about the program.

You see, Mikey and I made plans back in 2007 to do this program together. We would apply and get in and have the time of our lives living and working at Disney World. However in April 2009, Mikey died suddenly and tragically. A lot of days I blame myself for his death, because I talked to him less than 12 hours before he died and as his best friend I should have known something was wrong. But I didn't know & Mikey was found dead in his bedroom that afternoon.

I want so bad to be able to share this experience with him. He would be so excited. Tonight I broke down for the first time since my acceptance. For the first time tonight I was unhappy about doing the program. I was unhappy about being accepted and getting to live and work at the Happiest Place on Earth. Why should I be happy when my best friend isn't able to experience this with me? This is something that we looked forward to doing together & now I'm alone. And I hate it. I want Mikey to be here.

Tomorrow I am going to "visit" Mikey for the first time since his funeral. I plan on sitting down and finally telling him about the program. I hope he'll smile and be happy for me, and continue to be my guardian angel. I hope that he'll find a way to let me know that it's ok to be happy about the program, and the wedding, and everything else going on. Because right now, I can't be 100% happy or excited about these things, because he should be here. He should be standing next to me helping me. He should not just be a million memories or words in a blog post. But that's what he is... And I hate it.

Courtney